Uni, Work, Blogging - When Life Suddenly Becomes Too Overwhelming

Sitting down to work on a blog post feels somewhat weird, I've got to admit. I've tried to write this post several times, and always decided that it wasn't good enough and that I'd have to come back to it.
 The last time I published fresh content for my blog was in the middle of September, which is now over five months ago.
Yes, I'm really ashamed; and I feel like I owe you an explanation for just disappearing into thin air like that.

It's not like I fell out of love with blogging, it was quite the opposite. I'd still come up with ideas I wanted to turn into content, and I still wanted to keep up with bloggers I'd adored forever, who inspired me and made me want to do better.

I couldn't even tell you how I started spiraling. I feel like my major crisis both slowly crept up on me as well as washed over me like a wave. Suddenly it all happened so quickly, and what felt like all at once.

I've Graduated!

  

It's been a while - again, I know. After finishing my exams, the lead-up to a very important event had been consuming all my time and attention - my graduation! 

I've been a student all throughout the journey this blog has taken me on during the past two and a half years, so I felt like it was only right to share this big milestone with you guys as well.

Where Have I Been: Meltdowns, Graduation and New Beginnings

It's been really long, I know. I thought about my blog a lot during the past few months, and I really missed having a spare hour or two to sit down and write a post. I was so incredibly busy ever since the beginning of the year that I managed to publish exactly a handful of posts, and it made me feel awful.

There is, however, a reason why I haven't been able to find time for my small space on the internet since January - the past five months have been leading up to my Abitur, which could be described as the German equivalent of British A-Levels, and ultimately, my graduation.
The closer I got to my first exam, which was on May 3rd, the more I felt like all I did was revising. My butt was pretty much glued to my desk for hours on end - I didn't go out, I didn't get to spend quality time with my family or even read. I literally have a pile of 12 books that I've accumulated since Christmas and haven't touched since.

Exams were one hell of a ride. I think everyone who has graduated will be able to recall the stress and both the physical and psychological exhaution they bring with them. I was glad when I had the chance to creep into bed at night, so there was no way I was going to produce enjoyable content for you guys - and if I myself don't feel like my heart is in my writing, then I really do not want to share it with you.

18 on 18

So. This is a bit awkward. It's been so long since I last sat down to write a blog post and I can't even describe how bad I feel for neglecting my little corner of the internet - and because of that, I didn't quite know how to get back into writing.

During the period of my disappearance (sounds a little more mystical than what really happened - being burried in workload and having a mental health crisis, but more on that at a later time), I happened to turn 18, so I decided to pick up an idea I had on my last birthday.

Last February, I shared 17 things I had learnt in the years leading up to my birthday, and since turning 18 means (technically) becoming an adult, I thought that it would be interesting to share some more important lessons I've learnt on my way to adulthood.

So, without further ado, let's get into it!

28 Things I Want to Do in 2017

Happy new year you guys!

As I already mentioned at the beginning of last year, I'm not someone for new year's resolutions. I used to make them, and then failed to keep them most of the time, which was so frustrating.

Due of that, I've stopped making the "usual" new years resolutions - "I'm going to get into running this year!' "I'll eat less junk food!" "I'm going to lose weight!" and the like - and create either mantras or set small goals for myself that I'm more likely to achieve - because I don't believe in the whole "new year, new me!" thing, I want to become a better version of myself for each year!

I've made a list of all the things I want to do in 2017 and, because I'm nosey and always read these posts and thought you might want to have a nosey as well, I decided to share them with you!
Bonus feature for people who read this later on in the year - every time I do one of these things, I'll put them in bold to keep track of my achievements!

A Reflection on 2016 & What's to Come

Time for another story of my failures: I really wanted to write a reflection post on the past year and, me being me, I kept telling myself "Ah, I still have so much time to write that". Yeah, well, I lied.

 I somehow failed to realise that tomorrow is New Year's Eve - what?

This year has been a blur. I know this is such a cliché thing to say, but it truly has flown by - this is especially true for the past few months, beginning with the start of senior year.

So, now that I'm set down with my coffee, I think it's time to look back on this year, on the good, the bad, and the ugly.

45 Good Things That Happened Last Week

Life can be pretty rough. I think most of us will be able to relate to feeling like everything is going wrong and not being able to do anything to change that, a feeling of helplessness, a feeling of defeat.

I've been having some of those minor crisises lately - but hey, what are final exams without your life falling apart at least three times? - and I know I can say for myself that when I've falled into one of my mood holes, I'm often quick to see the world through some really dark glasses.

However, I saw a really nice idea that one of my fellow bloggers had - I saw about this on Twitter and even though I was so sure I had saved the post, I someshow didn't, so please tell me who this was!

She wrote an entire post all about the good things that had happened to her within the space of a week, and I thought that this was such a lovely idea to remind myself, and even others, to see the big picture and remember all the good things that happen even when you think everything sucks.

Because of that I decided to write down every single, small good thing that happened during the past week - and now I finally have the time to share my list with you guys!

Update: Why I Might Disappear

It's that time of the year again - or well, that time of the semester - where I might just disappear on you guys without any comment, so to avoid pulling one hell of a hiatus like I did at end of last year, I thought I'd fill you guys in on how crazy my life is about to get.

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So You're Not a Beauty Blogger Anymore?

I've thought about writing this post multiple times. I even opened the draft once or twice, but I wasn't able to find the words to express what I had been feeling back then. What I was struggling with so much, the thing I felt like held both my blog and my passion for it back.
Two months have passed ever since the thought resurfaced and just refused to go away, and now I feel like I finally have the words and courage to say out loud what I've been thinking about.

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When I started this blog back in Januray 2015, I thought of it as an outlet for everything I was passionate about, everything I wanted to speak up about or introduce others to. I mostly blogged about life as a high school student and all things beauty, And while I'm still sharing my struggles as a now senior with you guys, I feel like the beauty posts on this blog have become less and less frequent.

That's not because I've suddenly lost all interest in make up. I adore doing my make up, I love experimenting and going to town with it and I love finding out about new products. I just don't feel like I have that spark to come up with new, fresh ideas that could add anything to the community and serve its readers.

With so many beauty bloggers out there, I've been finding it really hard to do things that are unique and different to what others were doing, to try and stand out by at least a little. It's not that I have the urge to always stand out, that's really not the case, but I'd hate to only be writing the same posts everyone else is doing, let alone copy anyone. 

I think that while I adore everything that has to do with make up, I just might not be creative enough with it to constantly produce interesting posts. And that's okay.

As I started to invest more and more of my time into writing for this blog at the beginning of this year, I've realised that there's things I enjoy writing about even more than beauty, which I would never have guessed.

I always thought that I was way too boring to be a lifestyle blogger, but now I feel like those kinds of posts are the ones that come to me most naturally, the ones I don't have to force myself to write. I love telling you guys about stories from my life and giving you advice regarding topics I've struggled with myself. I still enjoy writing about life as a student, as a form of therapy for myself and to make other students laugh. It's like we're all having a mini-breakdown together, right?
I'm super passionate about reading and books, and I'm so happy that I've been able to integrate that aspect of my life into my blog more and more.

What's new is that I've also been sharing recipes on here more recently, especially new baking recipes that I discover, try and test. It always warms my heart when I get good feedback on these because while I enjoy baking and cooking in itself, hearing that others tried your recipes and liked them makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

So yeah, now that I've chewed your ears off, let's come to the important point here.
So, you're not a beauty blogger anymore? No, I wouldn't call myself that anymore. The beauty aspect has been thinning out and is hardly prominent on this blog anymore, so it would be wrong to use that label.

I will still blog about beauty, if there are things that excite me, things I'd love to share with you guys because I feel like you'd get excited about them too, not because I feel like I'm supposed to. But I'm mostly going to cover the topics that ignite my love for writing, for one because I do not want to put out content that comes across as forced or bored under any circumstances, and also because I feel like you guys have always supported me and thus deserve work that I'm 100% confident in and happy about.

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Is Self-Love Self-Taught?

Self-love. A topic that can be quite touchy for a lot of people and often stirs arguments as different people have different views on it, just like everyone has their very own mindset on every matter.

There's people who don't struggle with loving themselves at all, people who look in the mirror and love the person they see, people who are confident in their choices and the person they have helped them become.
But, on the other side of the coin, there's also people who have a war raging inside their head, who struggle with loving themselves for who they are, who might not even want to look at themselves in the mirror and maybe wish to be another person entirely.
And of course, this is not just a matter of black and white, there's also people who are kind of in the middle, torn between loving who they are and hating certain things about themselves just as much.


I'm going to be real with you, I've never been someone who's looked into the mirror and winked at themselves. I've never been one hundret percent confident about who I am.

There was a point in time when I really disliked, pretty much hated myself. It was around the age of fourteen, maybe fifteen, and I think a lot of teenagers feel the same or a similar way when they're that age, when you're just finding out who you are and completely uncertain about how you're holding up.

I thought about this the other day, then thought about the situation I'm in at this very moment, and I've realised how far I've come when it comes to self-love.
Believe, sometimes I'd still like to punch myself in the face for the things I say or do, and sometimes I can't smile when I look in the mirror, but I feel like that's normal and the times that those things happen are decreasing more and more.

But how did I start making all that progress? Did it all have to do with myself, and myself alone.
No. Obviously, the phrase "self-love" specifies that it's all about loving yourself, the progress to achieve self-love doesn't only have to do with you, but also your environment and all its negative influences.

Think of everything and everyone who makes you feel bad, then think about whether or not you really need those things and people in your life. 99% of the time, they will not be vital for you, and in that case, you need to cut those negative influences out of you life. It might seem harsh, merciless, but it's a big step towards a bettered mental health and will help you see yourself in a different light.

I know that this is a lot of theory and that I will never be able to help you as much as I want to through a computer screen, but I can tell you this.

Self-love is about you and you only, but it's not self-taught, or at least not completely. It starts with you, but it involves other influences from your everyday life that might or might not be in your hands, that you can or cannot control.

If you struggle with loving yourself, severly or not, and feel helpless or alone, know that you're not.
And this is not just an empty phrase, even if you might think so - I did too. There are people out there who you can talk to, if it's not a member of your family or a friend, there are countless help-lines or even online chats where you can talk about your feelings with people who also struggle, or even with experts.

And in the end, I think we're all somewhat struggling, eh? I know that I said there's people who don't seem to have any problem with loving themselves, and while I don't doubt that they exist, I think that the majority is stuck in the gray zone between liking and hating themselves.
And that's okay, so long as your good days outweight the bad ones and you try to get closer to who you are and being okay with that each day.

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Why Going a Month without Make Up Was the Best Thing I've Ever Done

Doing my make up used to be a mandatory step in my morning routine. It was kind of like brushing my teeth - something I did without having to think about it, something that I did so much that leaving that step out of my routine would have felt a little weird.

I can't think of a time when I didn't leave the house without at least the smallest hint of make up, and to be honest, I think there were some people in my year at school who haven't ever seen me completely bare-faced before at all - until recently.

Because halfway through March, I decided something had to change.
I was struggling with some really ugly skin conditions, and I felt horrible just thinking about leaving the house without covering them up, but I also knew that they'd never heal if I didn't let my skin breathe.

So I stopped wearing make up.
And while that short sentence might seem so underwhelming to some, it was quite a big step for me. But it was also a very important one because I learnt so much during that time!

For one, my skin did in fact get better.

I've realized that being covered in make up for eight to ten hours a day could just not be healthy for my skin, and letting it breathe by just washing it every morning and night did so much for it, as did the sun rays that for once actually reached my skin without the layers of foundation and concealer covering it up.

My face has almost healed completely by now, which makes me so happy I could weep - that's also why I've only started introducing minimal products like mascara back into my routine.

What's even more important, however, is what it did for me as a person.
I think most people struggle with confidence, or more so lack thereof, and so do I - especially regarding my appearance and my skin. I've actually dedicated an entire post to explaining how I've been struggling with coming to terms with my skin for years.

Keeping that in mind, it might be clear why I was so damn scared of walking around bare-faced in public, especially during the early stages when my face still looked a little like I fell into stinging nettles face first.
But even though I've had some nasty comments dropped behind my back - only from people I didn't even know and most of whom were even younger than me - I've started feeling better and better in my own skin every day.

Now that we're almost halfway through June and I've only recently started wearing some mascara and lipstick here and there, I can wholeheartedly say that I don't give a shit anymore.
I've realised that the only person who has live with this skin is esentially me, therefore no one else should be bothering with how I look so long as I'm okay with it. And I'm fine with it, I'm finally contended with how my skin is doing, even though it's nowhere near perfect.
If I've taken one lesson out of this time, it's this - I have to feel good in my own skin and live with it every single day, not anyone else.

And one the other hand, to end this post on a little less depressing note because how the hell do I always end up going so deep into topics like this, I'm so deep I can literally see hell, it actually even helped me save money!
I love make up, it was and still is a great passion of mine so I ocassionally - okay, more often than I'd like to admit - splurge on products, even when I know that I technically don't need them.

However, not wearing make up in the first place also meant that I really considered every purchase twice and often ended up not buying anything at all!

Going without make up for over a month had really positive effects on me - but have you ever gone without it for a longer time? What did you experience?

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The Fear of Failure

If there's something about me that shows in my entire personality, in my temper - basically everything that makes me myself, it's the fact that I'm a complete and utter perfectionist.

I've always been this way, ever since I was a little peanut and still went to primary school - I had to get my work done precisely, and I wouldn't rest until everything was completed perfectly. Back then, that was alright, and my parents were so proud of their little girl who always excelled at everything, the over-achiever, the primary example.

Somewhere along the way, however, I feel like my perfectionism has turned into something unhealthy.
I mean, it's great when your inner strenght wins over your wish to procastinate all the time and you get things done, and you do them well, but for me it's started to feel like so much pressure. Like I pressure myself to be nothing but perfect when that's all but possible.

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I'm extremly scared of failure. There, I said it out loud.
It's what I've been trying to hide from people - getting smiles and hugs and recognition for doing well is great and all that, but I don't think my parents or friends would tear me apart and feed me to the lions if I ever didn't suceed at something.

I'm my own problem.
I want to so badly for myself to do well, which on one hand is healthy because after all, my entire future depends on the work I do and the choices I make leading up to my twenties, but I put so much pressure on myself that it stops me from doing all the great things I want to do.

I'm not going to lie, the days when I feel so teribble that I don't even want to approach my desks have been increasing, especially since classes and work started again on Monday.
Monday was literally my first day back, and it was enough to have me sitting in front of my Mom, crying because I felt so overwhelmed by everything that was thrown at me, even though none of it was particularly bad and outrageous.

And the awkward duckling I am, I don't really know how to explain how I feel to others, because to be honest it's hard to put into words when I think about it in my head as well, because until recently I didn't even realize how unhealthy my behaviour was starting to be.
Besides that, I feel like such a whiny twat reading all of this. It makes me cringe because I know that other people would love to do as well regarding education and work as I am and I must seem so ungrateful. If I do, I'm sorry - that's not what I'm trying to come off as.

The problem with this entire situation is that I don't know how to step back from all my work and responsibilities, sitting down and watching some episodes of my favorite TV shows is basically impossible because I always have all the things I could be getting done nagging at me while I try to relax, so other people telling me to "just chill" or "take your time and take a step back" might be really nice and want to help, but sadly it doesn't help me at all.


I don't know why I'm ranting to you all about this, but I do know that I really had to get this off my chest. And maybe there's someone else who is in a situation similar to mine?

I'd love to hear your story or thoughts on this subject as I feel it affects a lot of young people nowadays!

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I'm Not A Relationship Person

I'm one of those people who use their shower time to have long, hard thinks about their life - I'm pretty sure you've done this before, right?

And during one of those long, hard thinks I came to a sudden realisation that I didn't know how I felt about - I'm not a person for relationships.

Now, just looking at that sentence, you might just think that I'm an anti-social person who doesn't like any form of human interaction, but that's really not true.

There's so much more than that to that statement.

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First off, I actually am an introvert.
I'm not even going to deny it - while I've always had a few very good friends, I've never been much of a social butterfly. I'm timid when I meet people for the first time, I often think too much before opening my mouth and social interactions often leave me feeling exhausted.

But it's not just based on the social part of things because clearly, I can form close bonds with people I vibe really well with.

It's also that I feel like I'm too busy at the moment - when I hardly have any time to sleep, how am I going to make time for someone else in my life?
It sounds pretty sad, I know. But when someone does mean a lot to me, I want to devote a lot of quality time to them and not just be like "yeah, I kind of can't see you right now because I'm crying over my studies".

In saying that I'm not a relationship person, I don't mean that I'm not able to love anyone. I actually love very fiercely, which the story of my first love shows.

I mean that I'm alright with being on my own, and that I don't want a relationship simply to have someone who can tell me how wonderful I am, because I've come to a point where I'm able to love myself.
I mean that it's probably a good idea for me to spend my spare time working on myself, on my problems and the things that are nagging at me rather than spend my time with another person and carry all of my bagage into what could be a great relationship.
I mean that I'm not someone who "dates" like a lot of girls my age do - one boyfriend for each month. I'm way to emotional and sensitive for that. Maybe it's because I'm afraid of being hurt.


I don't really know where I'm going with this entire rant, but I do know that I needed to write this down to get it out of my system because I've been thinking about it a lot.

I'm still very young, and I've got plenty of time to figure the mess inside my head out and meet someone who can fill the grey areas of my life, but in a society where you're frowned upon if you don't have a boyfriend at the age of seventeen or eighteen, you do sometimes start to have long, hard thinks about these kinds of things.


How do you feel about this topic? Are you alright with being on your own or do you feel like something's missing when you don't have a significant other? Please let me know in the comments!

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A Letter to The First Boy I Loved

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I don't really know how to start this. "Hi you, how are you doing?" seems to be way too much small talk when someone means as much as you did. Still do, even when it has been so long since I've last seen you, let alone talked to you.

I feel like I've known you all my life.
I know that isn't true and that there has been a time when you weren't part of my life, but if I'm honest I cannot remember it. I've known you for a decade, for all it's worth.

I often reminisce about the first memories I have of you, when we were still so young. I like them because they aren't filled with self loathing and what-ifs like like so many others are.

Truth is, I have loved you for years and never said a word.
And why would I have? You were my best friend and I was afraid, terrified that if I showed you how I felt, you would've never talked to me again. Now we're back to the endless list of what-ifs I keep in my head, huh?

I don't think I've ever truly stopped loving you, not for a day. I know that I've seen other people because I settled for the fact that you'll never know what I feel because I was just so damn scared, even if you had any feelings for me at all. But even when I was with them, my heart was in my throat the second I saw you. You still captured my attention in the same way you've always done.

It isn't fair to all the other people I've seen and will see throughout my life, but I will always compare them to you.
I will measure how their humor lives up to yours, if they make me laugh as loudly and ugly as you managed to do. I will measure the way they look out for me to how you did, how you always noticed when I need you without me saying a word, how you always made sure I got home safe, no matter how inconvenient it was for you.

I feel like I'm being unfair towards you as well because I'm spilling the beans now - even if you'll probably never see this, because how on God's green Earth would you know about my blog? - and I'm just hurling all of this at you like it's your fault.

Nothing about this is. It's not your fault that you're living your life because you're a grown adult and have every right to do so - and I want you to be happy. I truly, truly do.

It's not your fault you went and joined the military. You clearly didn't have to ask for my permission, and yet I still felt deceived because it appeared so easy for you to move on and live while I was stuck in this damn town without any way out.

That didn't stop me from worrying about you. I thought about you nearly every day, even though we hadn't spoken for a long time then. I don't know what would've become of me if anything happened to you.

And now you're back, and I still hardly see you. I think the last time I saw you was months ago, which seems so strange when we used to see each other almost every single day.

I still look for you in crowds, I guess I always will. I thought I'd moved on, but reading through this letter made me realize that I clearly haven't.

It must be true what they say then. That you never truly get over the first person you love. That they'll always have a piece of your heart.
You do. You're imprinted on my heart. I've never stopped dreaming of you, my dreams painting the brightest, most vivid image of you.

I'm sorry I'm such a soppy mess, when really, all you ever wanted to do was make me happy.
And you did. Thank you. For everything you've ever done.
Still, I can't help but wonder what would've become of us if we ever could've had one last dance.

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Why I Am A Feminist | Lifestyle

I'm a very passionate person. If I'm convinced of an idea, a concept or a value, I will stick to it and, what is even more important, stick up for it.

That doesn't mean that I hate everyone who doesn't agree with me or who has a different view on life, not at all actually - I won't yell at you over whether you pour milk or tea into your cup first. You do you, everyone does it differently.

But when it comes to important topics that affect my and a lot of other people's every day life, I have no tolerance for people who talk trash.

There are different topics this could refer to, and I bet you can think of some cases where yourself got so frustrated about a fellow human's mindset you felt like crying, but I'm referring to some very interesting views on women's rights I was confronted with this week.

Me being me, I could not keep my mouth shut when faced with such satetments, which lead to a heated debate that still makes me want to shake my head. That is what inspired this post, and you're about to find out what the hell I'm going on about.

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We were discussing Kesha's court case - in case you didn't know, she took her producer to court for sexual abuse, not even wanting him to go to jail, just to get out of her contract with him - and whether we think she's acting sincerely or just pulling a publicity stunt.

One of the boys in my class actually had the guts to suggest that "she kept quiet about the rape for over ten years because she didn't mind what he did to her, maybe she even enjoyed it". At that,  my jaw dropped. I didn't believe my ears, I didn't want to.

But as much as it shocked me, that experience reminded me of why I need feminism, why I am a feminist myself.
I'm a feminist because I cannot bear to listen to people preaching "She was asking for it!" anymore, I cannot take another person defending a rapist and blaming the victim for being too provocative, naive or careless.
I don't want women to be considered inferior, because we're not. We're equal to men. We have the same rights, the same abilities, but in a lot of people's minds we don't.

And that's the crucial point in this entire debate.
I'm not a feminist because I think of women as the superior species and want them to run over the world's men, which a lot of people believe feminism is about - I support the idea of equality, it's as simple as that.
I'm fighting for a world and society in which we stop victim blaming and shaming and taking the offenders under our wings, and start focusing on sorting out what really is wrong.

I'm doing this because I want to live in a world where I, and everyone else, for that matter, can feel like, if I ever get into such a horrible situation, I will get justice, not stones thrown at me.
For all of my female friends, my future daughter and all the women out there, because I want them to be treated in a fair manner, not one that makes them feel bad about themselves, that makes them feel unworthy and useless.

So no, I will not keep my mouth shut about this, no matter how often people will tut or shake their heads at me or call me all kinds of nasty words I don't even want to get into.
I will never do that until some fundamental changes are done, because I do not want to continue living in a society like this.


I know that this is a very heated topic, so I'd love for you to let me know how you feel about this in the comments!

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Why Being Politically Involved Is Important | Lifestyle

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They told me not to talk about politics. It will only enrage people and end up in heated discussions about values, principles and morales. It will not make you any friends.

But why should we keep something so important under wraps? Especially when it is something that concerns all of us, even people as young as I am.

Just so you get a better understanding of where all the frustration that drove me to write this post comes from - try discussing your country's political situation with people between the ages of fifteen and twenty. In most cases, they will either laugh at you, roll their eyes or simply walk away.

When I talked to one of my friends about finally being able to vote next year, they told me that they definitely won't go to the polls - they have no clue about politics and anyways, you're way too young to think about that kind of thing at eighteen.

I'm really sorry to be this blunt about the matter at hand, but statements like that make me very angry. In which way will you benefit from being ignorant towards the way the country you live in is lead? Shouldn't you at least be a tiny bit interested in the affects current political situations will have on your life?
Because they obviously will have some, and you sure can't ignore them forever - at one point, you will realize that new legislations were passed and you can't get plastic bags at shops aymore, for example. And that's just a minor change to our lives, there's often a lot more at stake.

I'm this passionate about how important it is to inform and educate yourself on politics because my country's political situation isn't exactly a walk in the park at the moment. There's quite a bit of chaos and distempers going on, and the only ones benefitting from that are extremist parties - which I don't want to have a majority in parlament, if I'm completely honest.

By simply not going to the polls, whether it's because you feel like you don't know enough about politics, you think your vote won't make a difference anyways, or you want to make some sort of statement by not voting for the party you used to vote for, you're doing more damage than you think.

It's always better to go.
If you feel like you don't know enough, watch the news, do some research on the partys policies on the internet - you'll be caught up in no time.
If you feel like your vote doesn't make a difference, think again. It might sure seem that one single person doesn't matter, but it'd be a whole other thing if thousands of others thought the same thing.
And if you think that you'll teach the politicians a lesson by not going or voting for extremist parties, take a look at their policies - do you really want people who are homophic and xenophobic to run your homecountry?


I'm not really sure where I'm going with this entire ramble.
I obviously can't force anyone to do something they don't want, but I guess I'm appealing to people's common sense here.
This doesn't just concern some politicians far, far away from you, but also your future, your life. It's a matter you have a say in, so you should use your voice to speak up.


What's your view on this topic? It's highly controversial, so I'm sure a lot of people will see this in a totally different light - I'd love to know your opinions!

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The Pressure To Have Your Life Figured Out | Lifestyle

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I'm going to be one hundred percent honest with you guys on this matter - this semester has been kicking my butt to the moon and back, and I don't even mean that I've been getting bad grades or anything like that, I'm actually doing pretty swell on paper, at least compared to my mental state.

My issue is the fact that as soon as I stumbled - or rather, fell and full on face-planted - into Junior year, almost every single person in my life has been putting pressure on me. They all want me to know what the hell I'm going to do with my life in a little over one year's time.

Whether it's teachers, or family members, friends or even neighbors, they all keep asking me what I want to do after I've finished high school.
My answer is always "I don't really know yet.", but you can actually scratch that really because that makes me sound too optimistic. I have no freaking clue. I'm lost, drowning.

Obviously, quite a few people in my year have already figured out what they want to do and who they want to become - they want to go to University and study medicine, law or history, they want to go to Australia for a year, they want to start working in some job. But me?
My teachers find it shocking that I'm still not set on my plans for the next few years because we've had so many events at our school where we could gather information about all the endless possiblities, we all researched and presented a certain job in class, we even worked as interns before - but really, those things have only opened my eyes to all the raods I don't want to take.

I think it's easier to find the right path for yourself if you're really good at certain things. If you're great a sciences, there's a whole field waiting for you. If you're great at IT, there's opporunities for you. If you're doing good in economics class, you might've found your calling in life.
But I'm not really good at any of those - I love languages, and I love writing. (And I love acting and singing, but I think all my neighbor's can agree that we can scratch at least the latter.) Now, technically I could become a journalist, or an interpreter - but for one, those don't pay all that well over here, and secondly, getting a degree to work in that field is something else that makes me feel nauseous.

I don't even know if I want to go to University, to be honest. Obviously, all my friends are urging me to go because of my great grades, but I honestly don't know if I can survive another three or four years of constant studying, stress and sleep deprivement, especially as most of my friend's will either go someplace else or not go altogether, and I'm both socially awkward and struggling with social anxiety, so there's always that voice nagging at the back of my head that I will completely lose my marbles if I end up all alone.

And while all of the above paragraphs made me sound like the biggest negative Nancy in the entire blogging community, I've started to look at the entire issue differently.

Yes, I've had my fair share of meltdowns and cries in public places and deep late night conversations about this topic, but all of those made me realize that I'm not the only one who's experiencing this. For everyone I know who seems to have their life figured out, there's two people who don't. And that's completely alright.

We're still so young - hell, I'll only turn seventeen next Thursday, so why are we trying to rush everything? If we're not ready yet and still need time to figure out who we are and where we want to go, there's still enough time to do that. There's no need to dive into something head first if it'll only end up making you feel miserable - like studying law made my cousin - so take your time. It might seem like all of the "should-be's" and "could be's" are causing one big mess in your brain right now, but in the end, you will find something that is just right for you. I'm sure of it.

Meanwhile, I will continue brooding over my own crisis over some ice cream and pizza - because no situation is so bad that those two things can't manage to make me feel better.

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An Ode To My Mom

Judging by the title of this post, you might've thought that I wrote this as mother's day is this Sunday, but that is actually not the case.

I had an idea for this kind of post as today is the birthday of just about the most important person in my life - my mother.

Now, you can't see her face here as she doesn't like being all out there on the internet for everyone to see, but instead you have an impression of what we do best - enjoying delicious food.

I know quite a few people who have a friendly, but kind of neutral realtionship with their mother, but in my case, it's anything but that. I feel like my Mom and I have a very deep bound, and as I feel like through writing, I can express my feelings and thoughts better, I wrote this letter.

Dear Mom,

thank you so much, for all the great things you do for me, but especially for all the tiny gestures, like remembering that I talked about that one chocolate bar and buying it for me, or encouraging me before an exam.

I feel like when I was younger, I didn't really realize how much you sacrificed for me, my brother, and our family as a whole, but now I do, and it leaves me without words.

You're the most selfless person that I know, always putting everyone before yourself - even though I keep going on about how important it is to be selfish sometimes and do what's best for you, and only you.

I know that both of us are stubborn little humans with quite a bit of temperament, so sometimes we tend to lock horns with one another, but I also know that we always end up making up at some point or another, and I guess that's what makes us not only mother and daughter, but also best friends.

Thank you so much for all the things you've taught me, not only stuff like baking and cooking and sewing, but also really important thoughts and ideas, like "There are only two things in life you won't need to chase - true love, and true friendship." and the fact that if I want to live life the way I want to one day, I have to give my best every single day and try to make the most of academic career as possible - even though it might seem horrible most days.

To refer to those "great things" that you've done for me I mentioned earlier, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have done all the unbelieveable and incredible things that I got to do over the past year.
When I got the chance to go to America, I hesitated because I knew how much money (and nerves) that would cost you, but you didn't even take a second to decide that I should, because you knew that that was a once-in-a-lifetime sorta deal for me.
Not to mention that you helped me renovated and furnish my own apartment - I mean, what sixteen year old gets to live in their very own place?

You might not think highly off yourself, or think that you're anything special, but to me, you're a star, Mom.

You're the reason that I grew up to be the person that I am today, and I couldn't be more proud to call you my mother.

I love you to the moon and back.

Spreading Positivity | Lifestyle

On New Year's Eve 2014, billions of people made billions of new year's resolutions they probably weren't going to keep - we've all done that before, right?

I didn't have one big resolution. Or maybe, I actually did.

I wanted to become happier, to change view on certain things and cut everything and everyone out of my life that/who is dragging me down with them.

Now, a good three months later, I can say that I feel a lot better than I did when I made that resolution, even though that might sound cheesy.

One of the reasons I feel this way is probably the fact that I started spreading positivity instead of spreading negativity.

I know how easy it is to go with the flow of the crowd and moan about everything and anything that is making you angry, upset or sad.

Take school, for example.

Most of the people I take classes with are constantly upset or angry about something - which, considering we are teenagers who all somewhat struggle with school as well as life in general, is pretty understandable - but they make sure to let everyone know how they feel at that said time.

I don't know if I'm the only person who this happens to, but if someone around me is upset about something, it will automatically affect my mood in a negative way.

That is why I wanted to approach things with more positivity - because I'm just as guilty of doing the above as the next person is, and I've realized what a negative impact it has had one me and the way I look at people, things, and life in general - so much that during certain periods of time, I would go to bed crying every night and waking up to the excact same feeling.

Well, it sucked.

So I started taking baby steps - smiling at myself in the mirror, not making a comment when something annoyed me.
Then, smiling at strangers, making compliments and really meaning them.
Making a nice comment, even though I was in a situation where I was about to rip my hair out.

Now, I can only speak for myself, but ever since I stopped picking out the negative parts of every single thing that went my way, I've been feeling happier and more at ease.

I can now wake up and not think "Oh my god, I have 9 hours of classes and two more hours of work", but take a deep breath and smile because the sun is shining or I'm wearing my favorite pair of shoes.

One of the nicest things that comes with this is the impact it has on other people - my friend told me that my encouraging words made her day better, my Mom smiling brightly when I tell her that I thought of her while she was having a hard time at work, making someone else smile.


We all know that life isn't lollipops and butterflies, but as I see it, to a certain extent, we do get to choose how we live it - and today, I chose happiness by spreading some positivity.


What is your opinion on this topic?

Thank you so much for reading!