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I'm going to be one hundred percent honest with you guys on this matter - this semester has been kicking my butt to the moon and back, and I don't even mean that I've been getting bad grades or anything like that, I'm actually doing pretty swell on paper, at least compared to my mental state.
My issue is the fact that as soon as I stumbled - or rather, fell and full on face-planted - into Junior year, almost every single person in my life has been putting pressure on me. They all want me to know what the hell I'm going to do with my life in a little over one year's time.
Whether it's teachers, or family members, friends or even neighbors, they all keep asking me what I want to do after I've finished high school.
My answer is always "I don't really know yet.", but you can actually scratch that really because that makes me sound too optimistic. I have no freaking clue. I'm lost, drowning.
My answer is always "I don't really know yet.", but you can actually scratch that really because that makes me sound too optimistic. I have no freaking clue. I'm lost, drowning.
Obviously, quite a few people in my year have already figured out what they want to do and who they want to become - they want to go to University and study medicine, law or history, they want to go to Australia for a year, they want to start working in some job. But me?
My teachers find it shocking that I'm still not set on my plans for the next few years because we've had so many events at our school where we could gather information about all the endless possiblities, we all researched and presented a certain job in class, we even worked as interns before - but really, those things have only opened my eyes to all the raods I don't want to take.
My teachers find it shocking that I'm still not set on my plans for the next few years because we've had so many events at our school where we could gather information about all the endless possiblities, we all researched and presented a certain job in class, we even worked as interns before - but really, those things have only opened my eyes to all the raods I don't want to take.
I think it's easier to find the right path for yourself if you're really good at certain things. If you're great a sciences, there's a whole field waiting for you. If you're great at IT, there's opporunities for you. If you're doing good in economics class, you might've found your calling in life.
But I'm not really good at any of those - I love languages, and I love writing. (And I love acting and singing, but I think all my neighbor's can agree that we can scratch at least the latter.) Now, technically I could become a journalist, or an interpreter - but for one, those don't pay all that well over here, and secondly, getting a degree to work in that field is something else that makes me feel nauseous.
But I'm not really good at any of those - I love languages, and I love writing. (And I love acting and singing, but I think all my neighbor's can agree that we can scratch at least the latter.) Now, technically I could become a journalist, or an interpreter - but for one, those don't pay all that well over here, and secondly, getting a degree to work in that field is something else that makes me feel nauseous.
I don't even know if I want to go to University, to be honest. Obviously, all my friends are urging me to go because of my great grades, but I honestly don't know if I can survive another three or four years of constant studying, stress and sleep deprivement, especially as most of my friend's will either go someplace else or not go altogether, and I'm both socially awkward and struggling with social anxiety, so there's always that voice nagging at the back of my head that I will completely lose my marbles if I end up all alone.
And while all of the above paragraphs made me sound like the biggest negative Nancy in the entire blogging community, I've started to look at the entire issue differently.
Yes, I've had my fair share of meltdowns and cries in public places and deep late night conversations about this topic, but all of those made me realize that I'm not the only one who's experiencing this. For everyone I know who seems to have their life figured out, there's two people who don't. And that's completely alright.
We're still so young - hell, I'll only turn seventeen next Thursday, so why are we trying to rush everything? If we're not ready yet and still need time to figure out who we are and where we want to go, there's still enough time to do that. There's no need to dive into something head first if it'll only end up making you feel miserable - like studying law made my cousin - so take your time. It might seem like all of the "should-be's" and "could be's" are causing one big mess in your brain right now, but in the end, you will find something that is just right for you. I'm sure of it.
Meanwhile, I will continue brooding over my own crisis over some ice cream and pizza - because no situation is so bad that those two things can't manage to make me feel better.
I know exactly what you're going through! I had the exact same pressure from friends and family and it was hell for me, especially since they were so against me going into Media & Communication.
ReplyDeleteI didn't know what I wanted to do until I was in my sophomore year of university and to be honest I still have these existential crises about whether i chose the right major.
I think it would help a lot if you took a gap year and just explored. Go travel, try interning in different fields, explore your hobbies, try take them a step further.
I wish I could have done that as it would have put things into perspective.
It's a lot of pressure, I know, but once you find something you like or makes you happy, it won't feel like its a life threatening decision.
You'll be okay. Try to reduce the anxiety and stress that comes from it; trust me, it really won't do you any good.
Diana
coffeetalkwithdee.blogspot.com
That must've been so horrible! I can completely understand how you feel. I'd love to take a gap year, but that's the only thing my parents are completely against - they want me to get into Uni straight after I graduate!
DeleteI'm starting to think that a gap year would be really good for me, tho, so I'm considering doing it anyway. x
I can understand this completely! I even had parents tell me I can do something I really wanted to study because it's 'impractical'. I still think you should be allowed choose more freely about what you want to do in college and even if you want to go. I really believe in following your gut and that things will always work out eventually anyway! :)
ReplyDelete- Eternalleigh.blogspot.com
That's terrible! However, all the fields I consider working in aren't too practical either, so there's that. I'll try to follow my guy as much as I possibly can - I'll just have to figure out what I really want to do at first!
DeleteI feel like everybody goes through this. I somehow came up with the idea that I wanted to be a food scientist when I was 17. I am now 20 and doing a degree in Agri Business which is a mix of Agriculture, Food Science and business Management. Surprisingly enough, I found myself enjoying the business elements to my course and currently think I want a business career after my degree. But at 17 I wanted to work in a lab developing new food products or something like that! We are always going to change our minds. I think if you want to go to college it is really worth getting into a very versatile area. A year out wouldn't do you any harm either to decide what you want to do!
ReplyDeleteEllen,
http://fishnetsxd.blogspot.ie
I really agree that getting into a versatile area would be good for me because I'll still be able to decide what direction I want to take later on! x
DeleteI can relate my son is about to turn seventeen and he has no idea what he wants to do either. I don't pressure him, we just sit and talk about what he is good and talk about the thing he knows he does want to do. Hopefully we can get some idea about what he might want to do before he graduates. Hang in there your right you don't have to have your whole life figured out at seventeen.
ReplyDeleteKeoshia
http://www.mrsdoingme.blogspot.com
I completely sympathise. I feel like we don't really get a chance to stop and think about what we really want to do and, too many times, we get stuck on a treadmill heading for university or whereever when we don't know what we're doing and where we're going. I had that. I actually never really wanted to go to university but no one ever stopped to ask and I worked very hard in school and suffered a lot of anxiety to get the amazing grades i got but getting good grades just made people assume I'd go to university and do really well. I took a gap year and did some work experience and earned money for a bit and relaxed, away from exam stress and everything but I had a place to study English Literature in London and I couldn't find an excuse not to go, so I went. That was last September. In December, I dropped out. I was miserable and I didn't want to be there. Now I'm getting help but I'm also doing lots of things I want to do. I love children so I've got a job in a toy store, I'm volunteering at Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital and I help my sister and a friend with childcare once a week and I'm so much happier. I have a place to study something different in September at a smaller college and I might take that up but I'm seeing how I feel and how things go. Try not to let the pressure get to you! Keep smiling and do what feels right for YOU!
ReplyDeleteBig Hugs!
Ellie-May
http://ellie-maysletters.blogspot.co.uk/
I can very much relate to this blog post and if that makes you feel better I didn't know what to do with my life until I was 19 (and half). After school I volunteered abroad, did several internships (at home and abroad) to figure out what to do and just like mentioned in your post, they helped me decide what I didn't want to do haha (which is really important though!). I then finally settled on a subject, wrote my application and changed my mind at the last minute, right before clicking 'send' haha. I suddenly realised what I really wanted to study and I have never doubted that decision again. The only advice I can give is: start somewhere, whether that's with an internship, travelling etc, it really doesn't matter but it will help you figure out what you like and don't like, listen to yourself and think about what gives you purpose, what makes you feel fulfilled and don't rush the decisions, it doesn't matter if it takes you a year or two to get there. Oh and try not to listen to others, it's your life and there 1000 paths you can take and there really shouldn't be any pressure. xx
ReplyDelete113-things-to-say.blogspot.com