Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Uni, Work, Blogging - When Life Suddenly Becomes Too Overwhelming


Sitting down to work on a blog post feels somewhat weird, I've got to admit. I've tried to write this post several times, and always decided that it wasn't good enough and that I'd have to come back to it.
 The last time I published fresh content for my blog was in the middle of September, which is now over five months ago.
Yes, I'm really ashamed; and I feel like I owe you an explanation for just disappearing into thin air like that.

It's not like I fell out of love with blogging, it was quite the opposite. I'd still come up with ideas I wanted to turn into content, and I still wanted to keep up with bloggers I'd adored forever, who inspired me and made me want to do better.

I couldn't even tell you how I started spiraling. I feel like my major crisis both slowly crept up on me as well as washed over me like a wave. Suddenly it all happened so quickly, and what felt like all at once.




I started my first job in September in order to pay for uni at least partly by myself, and while I honestly really love and enjoy the work I do, it's still a job, and a job in retail at that - I came home and was so exhausted, physically and mentally, that I hardly managed to clean myself up before crawling into bed, and woke up feeling just as exhausted in the morning, especially during my first month.

Then uni began. I tried to be optimistic about it, told myself that it was a fresh start, a growth opportunity. And I was eager to learn new things, especially because I had taken a leap of faith and decided to study the things I'm really interested in - English, Politics and Sociology.

But, me being my introvered, anxiety-ridden self, I was so incredibly overwhelmed by the whole experience. I go to uni in a city about an hour from where I live, so everything was new for me - the place, the people, and of course, the courses.

I managed to find some new friends, which I'm so incredibly thankful for because going through this first semester completely by myself would probably have run me into the ground.
My courses, and the expectations our professors held, were something else.

I did very well in high school, I can't deny that - and I knew that I wasn't dumb. But when I got to uni, everyone seemed super smart, and they made these incredibly intelligent contributions during lectures I was so damn lost in, I felt like I was taking for Chinese, not English.

After the first week, having cried at least once every single day, either out of exhaustion, or out of frustration, or simply out of how freaking overwhelmed I was, I honestly considered dropping out. I know, it sounds pathetic and over dramatic, and normally, I'm no quitter, but I felt so alone and daft and sad that I was convinced I had made a huge mistake when I enrolled.



In the end, I didn't do it. As I said, I'm no quitter - but it was mostly my obsessive perfectionism that stopped me from walking away from something I had yet to finish. What also helped a lot was talking friends from school and finding out that they all felt the same even though we're all studying completely different things.

With the decision to stay came a lot, and I mean a lot of work I wasn't prepared for. I honestly couldn't remember a day where I had more than the 20 minutes I'd spend in the bath to myself when all the hours in my day went towards studying or working. Outside of uni or work, I as an individual person basically stopped exisiting.

I thought about my blog a lot during this time, and I've been wishing to have time to come back to it, but amongst all my confusion, trying desperately not to fall behind in my classes and general quarter-life crisis, there simply wasn't enough time in the day or will power left within me.



Now that I've already taken six out of my seven final exams and my semester break has already begun, I've finally had time to sort out my life and with that, come back to this hobby of mine I've been missing so badly.

I've spent the past few days making over and updating my blog, creating mind maps and journal pages that I hope will help me reboot this baby, and slowly making my way back into social media.

I don't know if any of the people who used to read my blog, whether regularly or occasionally, remember me or if I have been forgotten in the huge sea that is the blogger world.

But I am determined to work my way back to creating content I hope to be inspiring, helpful or simply entertaining to read, and I wholeheartedly hope that, even if you might not have come across my little corner on the internet yet or have forgotten that it exist, you will have me back and come on this journey of rediscovering blogging with me.




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Monday, September 11, 2017

What to Watch on Netflix

Who doesn't love a good Netflix session? I personally love plopping down on the sofa or on my bed after a long and tiring day and putting on one of my favorite shows - and believe me, I have a lot of them.
One of the reasons why I love Netflix that I simply cannot run out of things to watch because every time I finish a show, I scroll through my recommendations to find another one that appeals to me - after I've finished mourning the end of my other beloved show, of course.

However, all of us TV show lovers will know that all that glitters is not gold - some shows might seem interesting, thrilling even, when you read through their synopsis, but once you're actually two episodes into them you're either bored to death or might even have fallen asleep.

In order to avoid the feeling of being catfished by promising looking shows, I thought I would recommend some of my favorites to you guys!



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Sunday, September 3, 2017

18 Things I'm Excited for This Fall

Happy fall y'all! Now that September is upon us, it's officially fall - or autumn, if you're from Britain. Now, I myself don't have a favorite season because I'll always find something that I adore about a certain time of the year, such as long summer nights and pool days in summer or Christmas and snow days in winter.

However, I feel like there's just something special about fall - the scent of pumpkins and of change is in the cool, breezy air; all the best foods make a comeback and nature turns the prettiest of colors.
As I've seen so many people on Twitter and Instagram who were buzzing for the new season, I thought I'd share some of the things I'm super excited for this fall!

(source)


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Thursday, August 31, 2017

Recent Reads #15 - Stranger Than Fanfiction

I can't believe how long it has been since I've written a post for my Recent Reads series! As many of you will know, I'm a huge bookworm and just cannot resist purchasing new books everytime I enter a bookstore, so not being able to read a book I genuinely enjoy for over half a year was really bugging me.

I hardly enjoyed the assigned readings I had to read before my exams, so I wasn't inspired to share them with you guys, and I didn't have any time to sit down with a book I had picked out for myself between classes, work, assignments and studying for graduation exams either.

Due to that, I've been all the more excited about the fact that I'm now finally able to work off my to-read list! Stranger Than Fanfiction by Chris Colfer is one of the books that have been sitting on my bookshelf for longer than I can remember - which is a shame because I once I actually came around picking it up, I finished it within less than a day! 




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Thursday, August 24, 2017

The Dreamiest Jumpsuit for Under 7€

I know I've always said that because of my height, babyface and general dorkiness, jumpsuits make me look like a slightly tall toddler running around in her romper, so I didn't like wearing them at all.

Shortly before I was off on my holiday, though, I found the cutest, yet casual jumpsuit I've ever seen while looking around H&M - I'm usually stuck in a love-hate-relationship with the store, where I either love almost everything I find or go months on end without seeing anything of interest in there.
The discovery of this jumpsuit, however, reignited my love for H&M - their fall collection is so cute - wishlist material, anyone?



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