Stop Being So Damn Scared | Lifestyle

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It's Sunday, which means it's the perfect time for me to have another heart to heart with you guys, because let's be real here, finals are nearing and I have more issues than Vogue nagging at me that I could tell you about.

Some of those are my fears. There's quite a few things that I'm afraid of, things like heights, snakes and Physics exams.

But there is nothing that makes my stomach turn or my thoughts take a really dark path at 3 in the morning like the sheer thought of death.

Now, I don't know what provoked my insane panic regarding that topic, it might be the fact that, starting from a really young age, I've lost a lot of family members and people that are close to me, but the thought that I could just get hit by a bus any minute without having accomplished anything literally leaves me breathless.

When I tell my family about that, they either tell me that I should stop acting up or they just give me weird looks - but I can't be the only one this is happening to, right?

I think death might be scarier for me than it is for other people because I'm very cautious, reserved and plainly afraid most of the time.

I'm too scared to tell people how I feel about them, and that might be weird to you, but to me and others, this is just the way we think - because what if they think we're weird? What if we ruin a friendship by telling someone that we love them more than that?

And to be honest, I use the phrases "You make me happy", "Thank you for being my friend" and "I love you" way too little.

Something else that I do is immerse myself in work, simply because when I know that there's stuff that I need to get done, I can't get rid of that guilty feeling inside of me until I finally sit down to do it, and then I work for hours on hours, until I feel burnt out and need to take a break - but not without still feeling guilty as heck, because there's always something else that I could do.

Because of that habbit, I often miss a lot of opportunities, like getting to spend time with my family and friends, having some me time or working on cool projects.

For some reason, I feel like I'm constantly under-achieving, even when I'm not, and it's taking me away from things I'd love to do and things that would help me become a better version of myself because I feel like I'm too incomplete to even begin with.

I don't even know where I'm going with this topic anymore, but I guess I just had to get this off my chest - maybe someone else is feeling this way too, and if I only made one person feel less alone and more understood, then it will have been enough.

You may know that at the beginning of this year, I promised myself to be more open, to say "yes" more, and I think, in a way, I'm starting to do that.

Because we never know when we see a beloved person again, we never know if we're turning down a once in a lifetime opportunity.

We never know when the bus is coming.